“I have not been operating within the guidelines and I have not been guided by the science and I have not come out the other side stronger or wiser or better for the experience. I didn’t eat out to help out and I didn’t become a parent and I have not made use of a reciprocal travel corridor. I haven’t moved out of London and I haven’t volunteered for anything and I haven’t attended a socially distanced outdoor performance of Educating Rita. I didn’t keep going to work and I didn’t work remotely and I did not use this time to work on my physique. I haven’t done laps of my garden and I haven’t put myself in harm’s way and I have done nothing to support the British hospitality industry. I did not miss out on medical treatment. I did not learn a language. I did not postpone a wedding. I did not book a staycation in Cornwall or the Lakes or somewhere on the Kent coast. I didn’t march and I didn’t go swimming and I didn’t get tested and I did not “read more”. I’ve not been on a boat. I’ve not been shielding, I’ve not been struggling with childcare, I’ve not been playing football on Tuesdays, I’ve not been killed and I’ve not been attending gatherings of up to six households. I haven’t lost my job, I haven’t attended a funeral, I haven’t used a foodbank and I haven’t touched my parents since Christmas.”
Daniel Kitson presents his account of six ridiculous and devastating months, experienced largely from a safe distance, almost immediately misremembered and retold here so inaccurately as to be very nearly fictional. Conceived and written specifically to be performed in and streamed from empty theatres with audience capacity limited to that of each venue, this will hopefully be a lot more fun than it sounds.
This show is part of Nottingham Playhouse Unlocked Festival but there will be no in-person audience. Tickets are for the livestream of the show only. You will be sent confirmation of your booking and we’ll be in touch in advance of the event with full details of how you can join the performance online.